Choosing The Lord Jesus

When I was fourteen years old, Jesus met me on a dark and lonely road, late one night, literally.  He wrapped me in His arms and sent an angel to rescue me.  Though I would spend the next 24 years running from Him, He keeps lifting me out of potholes; meeting  me on dark lonely roads; celebrate with me when I am achieving; crying with me when I am sad and forgiving me when I disobey His word.

Recently, as I lay in my hospital bed just before surgery my blood pressure spiked; now I have never ever had high or low blood pressure and here I was.  I was told that if the pressure didn’t go down they would not do the surgery.   As sister came into the room she encouraged me to “pray and rebuke the blood pressure”, her exact words.  Now it may sound corny to some people, but I took my bible of the night stand and read, prayed and rebuked…yes I used the word rebuked, the blood pressure.  By the time the nurse came to check me again, my pressure had dropped, not just enough, but really dropped.  I believed while I prayed that God would answer my prayers, just as He had done so many times in the past.

There are so many things in my life that I have done; that I have allowed to happen to me and that just happened sometimes due to disobedience to the biblical teachings I learned as a child growing up, but also simply because of the cruelty of others.  During these times my faith has waivered and I have been tossed to and fro, but I never ever doubt God’s love for me, His grace; His forgiving nature or His protection.  I spent a lot of time beating myself up and condemning myself for “the bad stuff” in my life, not realizing that all I had to do was forgive myself and others.  I spent a lot of years on what if’s that haven’t done me any good.  Only to come right back to what I knew from the very beginning; I need to submit my life totally to Jehovah.

Now, don’t get me wrong, He never said life would be peaches and cream; He never said I wouldn’t face hardships, but He did promise to see me through this life and life eternal if only I would obey Him. When my girlfriend Terry-Ann was abducted, raped, murdered and her body partially burnt, I wondered how God could let this happen; I felt tortured for the child and family she left behind.  I kept thinking she was such a sweet girl, why her? Maybe one day I will get all the answers, so I stopped torturing myself and turned to Him for comfort; and eventually comfort came and then peace.  I ceased fantasizing about chopping up her killer to bits and decided to let God handle that.

Now lately I find myself reading the word more, asking Him for wisdom to understand His teachings and His purpose for my life.  I feel the need to draw closer to my Lord, to worship Him, to give Him honor and praise.  No matter what I have done in the past or been through one of the things that I always try to express to God is gratefulness.  I always try to remember to be thankful to Him for His provisions and for His mercy.  I am so grateful that He has never abandoned me; that He is patient and generous with His blessings.  So I choose to serve the Lord, changes will have to be made, some things will be hard to give up and to let go of, but today I choose Jehovah.

Looking in, looking forward…

Praise and Worship who?

Lately I have been a little bit turned off my some churches that I have visited and so I use it as an excuse not to go to church.  But praise and worship seems to have taken on a different meaning since I was a little girl going to church and it is just really frustrating.

A few months back I visited a really huge church in Portmore and that was my second and definitely last visit.  The first thing that was a turn off was that they had two speaker boxes on every other column at the sides and in the roof; I thought I was going tone deaf as every thing was so loud and chaotic.  Then to make matters worst the service went on for about four hours and out of that only about half went to praising and worshipping Jehovah.  They did welcome birthday and anniversary, as well as upcoming events and recent achievements of members.  What really threw me for a loop though was when the pastor took about 15 minutes to talk about his wife’s new milestone; she got her masters in theology.  He told us her study process, how she had gotten the bachelors before, then to my astonishment he held up the framed document for everyone to see and instructed the congregation to give her a round of applause.  You know I am sitting there like “what on earth”.  And of course the audience gleefully, some of them standing, is applauding like there is no tomorrow; give me a break.

Now I didn’t attend church to praise pastor and his wife or to acknowledge people’s birthday and anniversaries.  If the church wishes they can have a special monthly function where they can get a cake and the whole shebang if they like and acknowledge said persons.  Church is for the worship and praise of our Heavenly Father…well that’s my opinion.  When I was a little girl, one of my older brothers used to take us to a church called Deeper Life Ministries.  They use to hold worship at what use to be the Sheraton Hotel; that was praise and worship; they started off with dancing and singing and people would get up and raise their voices to the Lord and dance if they wanted to; then they would get to the Word.  Even the little country church I practically grew up in was the same thing; at the end of the service they would have announcements of upcoming events and visits to other churches and all that jazz.

A few Sundays ago I went to church and by the time pastor got to preaching I was so distracted and half asleep; I got the word and yes I know that’s what I am there for; but if you spend an hour with all these “mankind praising” activities, where do we fit Jesus in?  We seem to spend our time on earth worshipping creations instead of The Creator, which brings me to my next pet peeve…funerals.

So let’s say John Doe, whom you might be related to, is alive but not doing too well financially.  You are in a position to help, but you don’t and then he dies.  All of a sudden you contribute to this expensive coffin and dancehall type set up or wake or whatever they are calling it these days…does that even make sense?  We treat the dead like it’s an honour to be at their funerals and turn up at their wakes like it is something to be noted.  For heavens sake…they are dead!  I see police escorted funerals which are holding up traffic; escalade drawn carriages; glass caskets and all this rigmarole for what?  Why do we wait until folks are dead to show the rest of the world that we love them, because I am sure we realize that the dead doesn’t see all of this right, so it has to be the world that we are showing off to?

When I die (yeah I wont know), but I told my brother the other day, burn the body and throw the ashes somewhere; fling the body into a piece of ply wood and bury it somewhere; I don’t care, the body means nothing. What I am concerned about is my soul now; am I doing right in the eyes of the Lord; am I fulfilling His purpose; am I treating others the way I want to be treated; do I love Jehovah’s people?  Am I using this body I was blessed with for the purpose of helping others and being a blessing to others? That’s what concerns me because when the last breathe is drawn from this body, why should I care what happens to it; it’s not like I am going to know.  I would rather the money spent on an expensive funeral be given to some body who really needs it; someone who is alive and hungry, they have more need of it than my dead body that worm is going to get at anyway.

So if you know a church that is full of praise and worship and the word, with less emphasis on people praising, please let me know; I am starved for some good ole fashioned Jehovah sharing and praising.

Looking in, looking forward.

Plaids, stripes and floral

I know that as Jamaicans we are a colourful set of folks, but today I came to the conclusion that our flag should be multi-layered and multi-coloured.  We are such a fascinating bunch of people, so much more than just black, green and gold.  As we would say, you can find a Jamaican in every nook and cranny of the world and whether good or bad, there is a Jamaican in the mix.

What brought me to this enlightenment today though was my trip to Coronation market this morning; let’s just say it’s been a while since I have been there. Between the shouts of “yam, fifty dallaz a pound; “hundred dalla gi yuh a brazier”; “twenty dalla bag juice, ginga/pineapple and soril”; it was just hilarious.  Then there was the chubby seven year old boy selling wipes and shoe polish, who told me that he snuck out with his “antie” (mother doesn’t know he claims) to sell on the street; of course I asked why.  He proceeded to tell me unabashedly that the house was boring plus “mi need di exercise cause mi too fat”…of course between my bouts of laughter I had to buy the wipes; he was just too funny.

Coronation market is for everyone; I saw the uptowners, the downtowners, the bleachers in their long sleeve shirts and socks protecting their delicate skin from the sun; and the Chinese man sitting in front of his store searching for gold up his nose while looking around to check if anybody saw him.

But Coronation market is not the only thing that brings out the mix in our people; there is music, not just our music, just music.  Of course our music is special; American rappers have nothing on our lyrics.  Our DJ’s (both male and female) aren’t afraid to go up under our skirts or into our pants for that matter, into our beds or tell us about their prowess and abilities…yeah right.  They aren’t shy of telling what will happen to a “bwoy if a bwoy dis dem” or which part of God’s earth they are in charge of and what happens to trespassers; yeah they tell us straight up.  Is there really a broadcasting commission? Moving along though, we have amazing artistes who gives us really great music; unfortunately one of them is rotting in jail; Bob said “when music hits you feel no pain”, but that’s not what Buju is charged with. Talent in music is something we are definitely not short of and it is a wonderful thing to see everyone singing and rocking away to some good ole Beres Hammond.

Sports is another thing that brings us together; football, and I mean football; cricket, (no comment) and athletics seem to be our favourites.  We will rally together even if is to cuss the performers for their lack of great performances or to shout and hug in joy when they do well.  Just wait and see Half Way Tree square next year when World Championships come around.  Our blessed athletes had better sharpen up their running shoes and get enough yam, cho cho and dumplings into their systems.

Another thing that we share is a unique aspect of our language or dialect; call it what you will.  We know we speak patois (well majority of us knows how to), but the different tones and textures of our patois makes us an even more fascinating people.  When we are not speaking the Queens English, we get really colourful.  I have a girlfriend from Hanover who use to say “mi a ben guh a mi bed”, while the rest of us would say “wi a guh a wi bed”; so from district to district our patois seems to take on a life of its own. But another twist to it is our “double up words”.  I never gave it thought until someone sent me an email with a list of them the other day and it made me wonder if we are the only people in the world to do it.

I am sorry I deleted the list, but when speaking patois we do double our words sometimes to emphasize our message.

Did you ever notice that to say that someone is greedy we would say “dem licky licky eeh”? Or we use wagga wagga to describe something in excess?  If something is not up to par we say it is fenkeh fenkeh or we use cabba cabba.  When someone gives you a “bills” and you wanted more, “so a one degeh degeh one mi get? Him pants tear up tear up eeh?  There is no way you can miss the point with the repetition of the word.

“Just so so so” takes us into a triple up and I can’t think of anymore of those.  Where on earth did this originate from? When did this start? Since reading the email, it is now stuck in my mind and it really is a funny way of expressing our selves.  Speaking of funny way of expressing our selves, don’t even mention our curse words; we must be the only nation on earth that curses in fabrics.

So maybe we should consider changing our flag to plaids, stripes and floral to fit our unique Jamaican blend?

Looking in, looking forward…

The colour of love is not black and blue

Recently a popular DJ has been jailed twice for abusive behaviour; I am not sure if it’s the same woman in both cases, but my question is why date a guy who is a known abuser? Most people say these women are in it for the perks of being around all the hype and in this particular case I must say I do agree.  But what about those women who are abused by love?

Ten years ago I left a relationship that left me bruised emotionally, financially, mentally and physically.  I remember growing up and hearing about battered women I use to say it could never happen to me.  Yep, not me and if it did I would fight back and would have him jailed and it couldn’t happen a second time; well it happened a second and third time.  I dated this guy for five years and I was so in love.  He use to be a good friend of mine before we got involved and I knew he was a womanizer; but stupid me thought because I was such a sweetheart, he would change just for me.  I learnt my lesson the hard way.

For the five years we were together I got cheated on so much I had to wonder did I really have a relationship with him.  But each time I forgave him and moved on till the next woman came around; then the worst thing was he chose women who flaunted it in my face and verbally abused me; sometimes I felt like I was watching a movie and it wasn’t really my life.  At that time this guy wasn’t even adding any value to my life, not even financially; I kept giving and giving in every way, not realizing I was losing me in the process.  It was all about him and I was nowhere in the equation; until one day I woke up from my dream.

One day I had had enough. I no longer called to find out where he was and if he was coming home; I no longer cried in front of him and asked him why he treated me this way (I cried when he wasn’t around).  I started going out every Friday night with my girlfriends; I started learning to play tennis and learn to swim; I just started living again and stopped making him the centre of my world and that my friends was when the abuse became physical. How dare I not run behind him like I use to; how dare me turn my phone off or not answer when he called; how dare me go out and stay late.

One night I came home late and got the first fist, straight to my right eye.  I had bent over to give my puppy the remnants of my lunch and half way up the coward socked me in my eye; one nasty upper cut landing me on my back flat out. Now I had bad sinus issues back then that would sometimes take away my voice and on that particular night it was bad, so I couldn’t even scream, no sounds would come, so I just laid there.  He had been lay waiting me and now, he took my handbag, grabbed my cell phone, kicked me and told me to go into the house and left with my phone so I couldn’t call for help. After he took off in his van, I laid there for at least ten minutes with my hand over my eye, crying soundlessly, not able to move from the fright that crippled me. Eventually I was able to get up and go inside.  I packed up everything he had in the house, put them into a garbage bag and left them outside the next morning when I was leaving for work.

With my swollen black and blue eye, I told my girlfriends at work and my neighbours, just in case he killed me, someone knew, but I was too ashamed to tell my family and I didn’t go to the police. His reasoning was that I was cheating and that’s why I wasn’t calling him and wasn’t answering my phone and had started going out every Friday night. Anyways he called and begged, asked his family to beg and of course I forgave him. It only got worst; he was now stalking me, he turned up at my job un-announced; turned up at my Friday get together with my friends and was all over me; but something had died in me by then.  That uppercut to my eye had killed something inside of me; I no longer wanted to be with him.  He hit me twice after that, once with a machete; my machete at that and he threatened to kill me.  One night he drove the van on the wrong side of the road into the way of oncoming vehicles and decided that we were both going to die because I couldn’t leave him. Of course he had now asked me to marry him and stupidly I had said yes, but it wasn’t with the excitement a woman feels when she gets engaged, it was out of fear; it was a bittersweet moment.  I no longer wanted to marry him, but his family was so excited that I wanted to do it for them.  But reality sunk in and I knew I had to go; one night I lay there plotting how to throw hot oil in his ears while he was sleeping and right there I knew I had to leave whether he killed me or not, I wasn’t going to be afraid anymore; so I left.

I thank God everyday that he wasn’t one of those men that was sick enough to carry out his threat of murdering me, because it has happened to other women who leave abusive men; they end up dead.  He stalked me for a few months after that, but with the help of his family, I encouraged him to go away and put some distance between us. He stalked me by phone from overseas, but eventually he gave up.  The young woman he dated after me, who had a child for him came to me and complained that he was hitting her; eventually they broke up too.  I was also told that he hit his fiancée before me.  When you look at this man, you would never know that he had an abusive side; he is always laughing and was always calm and friendly, people were shocked when I told them and showed them the bruises.

No matter what anyone says, it’s a sickness; it’s evil and has nothing to do with love.  It is about power and control and should not be tolerated.  Yes, I know of cases where a man hits a woman once and they live happily ever after and it never happens again; to be honest, I can live with that.  Some men are verbally abusive, but usually men who get physical encompass every method of abuse. Some women stay out of fear; some stay for financial reasons and some will find the courage to leave no matter what; I did and I am thankful to God every day.

I learned from my experience that the colour of love is definitely not black and blue.

Looking in, looking forward…

Weight watchers

Weight watching has become a new phenomenon over the last few years; there is always some new diet or magic potion being advertised to lure those of us who are caught up in the war against being overweight.

I honestly do not think we were all made to be skinny super model sizes; that’s for sure, but being health conscious is very important.  I certainly do not believe in all the fads and all the new exercise equipment and DVD’s that seem to be released on a daily basis. Everyday, I mean everyday you go on the internet there is something new on weight loss; from simple tips to losing weight to the extreme extravagant ones like putting tape worm in the stomach. Do you know how many diet pills are on the market? I simple think we have gone over board.

There are people with extreme weight issues that need more help than others; I mean if you weigh 600lbs, then you have a serious problem compared to a person who weighs 178lbs and just wants to lose 20lbs.  That latter part of the statement is me; for the last 4 years or so I have been up and down the scale, almost tipping it at 200lbs at one point.  I have been down to 165lbs and then whoosh I ate my way back up to 178lbs…sigh.  But I have learnt something over the years; when I constantly watch my weight and calorie intake and start an exercise routine, it doesn’t work for me.  So maybe that’s why there are so many different exercise fads and diets, something for everyone?

What really works for me is simply eating less and adding more fruits and veggies to my daily fuel intake; it really is that simple for me and the pounds melt away, I mean seriously.  No, I don’t mean the extra weight will vanish in a week, but I start seeing results like a pound a week sometimes even as high as 4lbs will go in one week, but I lack the discipline and I love, absolutely love fried foods. When I forget that I am trying to lose weight and I just eat better foods and fewer portions, I lose weight.  I love to cook my simple meals and serve them up in a saucer and not a plate and mix my different colour seasonings and veggies to make it a lively eat; but I often get turned off from the kitchen.

I let laziness and yes my dear Mom turn me off from going into the kitchen; so I run to the kitchen grab the junk and run out or I just eat what she fixes which is usually something fried. Mom just knows two ways to cook; boil and fried and she boils the nutrients straight out of any food. When she is in the kitchen I am nowhere in sight, but when I get to the kitchen, she is behind me nagging and griping and I get turned off and avoid it like the plague.  But that’s just my experiences and excuses.

I don’t think we have to cut out everything we love out of our diet, I just think we need not over do things. If you eat pizza 4 times in one week, you need help. I think eating in moderation is good; vary our menus each week and make sure we get a good serving each day of fruits and veggies and avoid fried foods. Another issue we have to contend with is processed foods.  The amount of crap that goes into food preservation is ridiculous and sure killers, so we need to cut way back and I mean way back on processed foods and eat a whole lot more natural foods; your digestive system will appreciate it; believe me, constipation is unhealthy and will cause a back up of your system that leads to other health problems.

The question though is didn’t we all learn that prevention is better than cure? So why do we eat ourselves to unhealthiness (whether you are fat or skinny), extra weight, and severe health problems? How hard is it to do the right thing in the first place, so we avoid all the problems that we encounter later on?  Shouldn’t we learn from our mistakes and other peoples experiences? The worst part is, eating healthier doesn’t taste as bad as we think, and we just use that as an excuse. Eating healthier isn’t more expensive either, just go to the market.

Bottom-line we really don’t need to obsess about weight loss and exercise, we just need to do it right; small simple steps that will change our daily intake and make our bodies happier.  We do not have to be extreme and run out and buy a Bow flex machine, moving around a lot more will help while we are eating better.  Exercising and eating poorly will profit us nothing, but great looking abs and butts and unhealthy organs; so while our outsides look fabulous our insides are a mess.

So lets stop watching our weight and just start eating healthier and wiser; time to get my discipline back; how about you?

Looking in, looking forward…

Romance in my bones

I am a hopeless romantic; hopelessly so.    I believe in the simple stuff and I believe in the grand things that will put a smile on the face of a loved one.  I believe my partner should be my lover and my friend; guys be sure to read the friends part. Feeling romance in my bones does not mean I want someone to jump my bones, it means I believe in the treasure of deep, passionate and caring love.

I do understand that the doldrums of life can detract from good ole fashion love. We are living in a world now where everything is at our finger tips in practically one click, so we have no time to stop and smell the roses.  Husbands and wives, boyfriends and girlfriends get up each day and go through the motions to the point where they can’t even turn cooking dinner into a romantic event for two.  Our daily routine has blinded most of us to the delight of falling in love all over again.

Now, do not get me wrong; there is no wool over my eyes so I know we have to live and make a living and sometimes life seems hard.  People with children have told me that it is no easy feat trying to squeeze in spouse only time; but what if we make it work.  I think sometimes we see our partners as someone to “make life with” that we forget to appreciate them and enjoy them for who they are.  Sometimes our partners are not the tall, dark and handsome type we dreamed off as young women reading Mills & Boons novels, so we get disillusioned.  Other times we end up with an abusive partner; verbal, emotional or physical.  Then there are the occasions where we live what we saw as children growing up; the stoic, proper relationship between our parents.

What if we broke the mold and live the way we want so we can feel the way we want.  Yes, sometimes there is no money to go to that concert or even to a movie, (can you believe how expensive it is to go to the movies now?); but we can do some simply things that will show our man that we love him.  And ladies, if you keep doing special things for him and he shrugs them off, he obviously doesn’t know better and probably won’t ever get it; but every now and then you have the guy who will grow to appreciate it.

Love notes are simple and do not cost a dime; remember when there was no internet and we all handwrote our letters; I think it is romantic. On your way home stop and get him a snicker bar or some M & M’s from the store.  Make him dinner and play dress up since you can’t afford the restaurant; add some candles.  Guys take notes, I may be addressing the ladies, but you know you need to step up your game.  There are so many fun things that couples can do for each other; if you are clueless check the internet for ideas.

Too many relationships are going kaput because people don’t try anymore.  We have picked up the Hollywood mantra that teaches that it is ok to go into a relationship today and if you find fault tomorrow, run.  Some of us have accepted that relationships are work only and no play; yet while we don’t play with our partners we go out and play with other people.  We have couples who never try a sexual position with each other, but find them cheating and you will think they are gymnasts. So why not try it with your partner and spruce up your life at home, instead of giving someone else the benefit that your partner should be enjoying. 

I want it all. I want the little things; text messages, flowers, a bottle of wine, ice-cream and the notes; and I don’t mean on my birthday or anniversary, just any day.  I want to give little treats and have him show his appreciation for them.  I want him to sing for me even if it’s off key.  I want to give him a lingerie fashion show for his eyes only.  I want romance, and I want my romantic gestures to be appreciated. I want to feel like I am the most special woman in the world and my king should know that he is head of the palace everyday.  Yes, the off days will always be there, but come on, get back up and get going on the romance train, most days the ride is free.

Looking in, looking forward…

Men are from where?

In 1992 a book was published by Author John Gray called “Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus”. I got the concept of the book, looking at the different emotions and communications styles of the genders; no the book wasn’t about aliens.

I love the title of the book; as soon as you read the title you get that the Author was just pointing out that in our thinking and communication patterns, men and women are from two different worlds. Lately I have been thinking though that some men are from much farther places than mars; I mean much farther.  Ladies have you ever had that experience where a guy opens his mouth and you are standing there, looking around, wondering if you are on the right planet; or you just wish the earth would open up and a mysterious creature would just swallow him.

Like the dude who called me this morning and set off my “was I dreaming” bell.  Now this man (he is 8 years my senior and I am no young thing by some standards), had the gall to call me before seven in the morning to tell me that he really needs to speak to me.  We started dating way back in December of 2008 and by February of 2009 it was kaput, over, done.  Reason; he met me while my hair was locked and the dude after three weeks asked me if I would consider cutting my locks. I told him maybe one day, but right now, I like my hair the way it was, plus it was cost efficient and easier to manage. He said he understood.  Following week? The dude proceeded to ask me about my hair again and then cuss me out for giving him the same answer I gave him the previous week. I mean he got aggressive and told me off; didn’t he meet me with my locks? Wouldn’t that have been part of the entire package and appeal? I would have thought so. So that was that.

He has called a couple of times since then to say hi, but I haven’t spoken to him in months and I don’t call him.  So this particular morning he calls and urgently expresses that he needs to speak with me.  He asks me “are you sleeping?”  I told him well, the ringing phone woke me up.  He asked me to call him back when I was fully awake, so I told him my phone has no credit; he says he will get some credit and call me back later. He called back all of five minutes later; what he thinks I am now properly awake? I was going back to sleep as I didn’t get the impression that later meant just five minutes.

So he told me he needs to speak to me urgently this weekend face to face; so I ask why.  He just really needs to speak to me face to face this weekend and then he wants me to go to a popular hotel with him for a few days next week.  Huh? Am I hearing right? So I am now knocking my head to see if I was awake and hearing correctly…like really huh? Is this dude for real?  We broke up over a year and a half ago after what? Two months of dating and we haven’t spoken in months and you have the nerve to call me at this hour of the morning to ask me foolishness? Now I am just upset, really upset.  The guy didn’t even ask if I was ok when he came on the phone; I am unemployed, which is frustrating enough and I am in my deep sleep and you call me to ask me what?

Of course being the nice girl I am, I just blasted him off my phone, in a sweet manner.  Then I called my girlfriend (later in the morning) and relayed the conversation to her, because I thought maybe I was just crazy or something.  Now, my girlfriend deduced that maybe he wanted to restart the relationship and that’s why he called, but even so, is that how one goes about things like this?  Wouldn’t you at least try to get on my good side first? How do you jump from I need to talk to you, to oh and I want you to spend a few days at a hotel with me, and we are not in a relationship? Was this guy for real? Believe me, he isn’t from Mars; John Gray needs to give me a call and tell me which planet home boy fell off, because he must have fallen and hit his head.

Yes, men will say the same about women and I will give them their dues where it is earned; I know for a fact that some women are just plain out of this world too.  I have seen friends do some weird and awful things to guys, so I know; but I am telling this side of the story today.

For the past seven years I have been mostly single; I have tried relationships, but I refuse to settle for crap anymore after past experiences.  I don’t use my past to judge men I meet; I never do that, but I know what I don’t want in my life and I won’t accept it, no matter how good looking or rich a guy is.  Men will say, we women don’t know what we are looking for and we say we want good men, but we really don’t.  I do want a good man in my life; but when a dude like this turns up, what on earth do you even say to him? And believe me; age has nothing to do with the level of maturity or idiocy that they portray.  Older men and younger men both display the same level of foolishness at times.  I no longer date guys based on height or looks or age; I try to keep an open mind.  It would be nice to date someone who understands respect, being considerate, caring, and has a big sense of humour; then we can grow to love each other.

So can someone please tell me where this guy and the rest of his kind came from because based on John Gray’s book, this guy didn’t come from mars at all.

Looking in, looking forward.

What’s in your bag?

Ladies we all love handbags, some of us prefer small, medium or large, or some of us like all sizes, but we love handbags. Have you ever stopped to compare your handbag to your life? Really, stop and take a look and see if there are similarities whether good or bad between our handbags and ourselves.

After reading a daily devotional I decided to take a look at it; and I am not just talking about the size of our purses, I am also talking about the contents.  I am not a big fan of small handbags, but I do carry them for certain occasions; I prefer a large bag, but have you ever tried to find your keys or your ringing phone in a handbag that looks like your house is packed into it? When I carry a large bag I get to put everything I think I need for the day in it, but it’s chaos trying to find things sometimes; so is my life as disorganized and cluttered as my oversized bag? Yeah, sometimes it is, ok well most times, I am not the most organized person in the world.

My life really is like my handbag; I have packed so much into it sometimes that I get lost in the midst of it.  There are times when I can’t find me in all the mess that I take in.  I accept people that I shouldn’t allow in and that just causes me to inhale more crap into my soul. So my “big bag” becomes disorganized and full of people and stuff that I think is necessary, but really isn’t.

When I carry a small bag, I still try to cram most things from the oversized bag into it; of course I have to leave some things behind, but I don’t give up without a fight.    I am just going to the movie and I try to cram makeup pouch, purse, rag, bible, diary, phones, tissue, keys, pens, something to read and other items that really shouldn’t be going to the movie with me. It’s just like sometimes I need to un-clutter my life, but I try to cram people and things into it that doesn’t fit.  Instead of throwing out the unnecessary stuff, I try to fit it all in.

Please don’t get me wrong there is nothing wrong with a large handbag, they are hot and are so stylish, but I should be more organized with what I put into the bag, so that the next time it falls, I don’t get embarrassed because my house and land rolls out.  I should also accept my small bag for what it is, just an accessory for money, keys, lip-gloss; just the necessaries. Hopefully I can do the same with my life, toss out all the un-necessaries, toxic people, idle people, things I don’t want to do, but just do because someone asks, de-cluttering the house and the closet and all the other items that I don’t need in my “bag”.

So on my journey for self improvement; I have decided to organize my bags, large or small; carry my large bag for what it is, stylish and to stop cramming stuff into my small cute bags.  So what’s in your bag?

Looking in, looking forward.

Just plain nosey!

Do you ever stop to wonder why we are so fascinated with other peoples business? It could be a neighbour, co-worker, church brethren or even a celebrity, we are totally all up in it, but yet we are so clueless when it comes to our own life. As a friend said to me once “people are all up into my Kool-Aid and they don’t even know my flavour”.  I think she was quoting a popular Jamaican slang, but I got what she meant.

A very close loved one and I were discussing a particular actress’s love life the other day and that’s what got me thinking; how we listen to gossip and get on the internet to tune into other people’s lives, even when we don’t know them.  Of course I was here defending a woman I didn’t know because I didn’t like what my friend was saying about her; I thought he was being mean and he thought he was being right, but as far as I could see, half of the story he was relying on was gossip.

So why do we get so caught up? Why do we get such a thrill from listening to stories about other people’s lives and spreading it, even if it isn’t true? Maybe we have too much time on our hands or maybe we think our lives aren’t juicy enough or maybe we are just sick, plain sick. For me, I am somewhere between too much time on my hands and being sick; confession is good for the soul. 

I don’t think a celebrity’s life should be public fodder for the rest of us. Yes I get it, they are public figures, but they are actors; it’s a job. What we should do is judge their work, just as we judge our accountant or the girl over the counter at the cosmetics store; look at their work not their lives.  We should just watch the movie or the TV show, decide whether they are worth watching and move on. Why should we care who they date, even though some of them do put  their lives on display for all on sundry to see, but why don’t we just ignore them?

Now unto our neighbours, co-workers and other folks who aren’t celebrities, even our friends and relatives. Why are their lives so fascinating to us? Why do we need to know if our neighbour is sleeping with the guy who drove up last night in the posh car? And didn’t we see another guy over there two nights ago? Who cares? It isn’t our business. The weird part is, we don’t know if they are related or just friends, but what do we do? We jump to the conclusion that our neighbour has two boyfriends. But so what if she does? How does that affect us?

We can probably tell someone else’s life story more than we can relay our own. I have decided to take time out to do something about my nosiness; finding things to occupy my time and mind and stop filling my head with other people’s business.  We lose so much of our own time and energy when we focus on things that shouldn’t concern us.  And worst, when we spew poison about other people, we are only filling our lives with that same poison.

So today I am making an effort to stop looking “over the fence” and to start pruning my own grass. I am taking up all the weeds and trying a new fertilizer to get my grass to spring up green and healthy.  Today, I promise to start keeping my nose on my face and out of other people’s business.  Oh, I am not fooling myself that I will stop all of it today, but my effort starts now; today I mix my own Kool-Aid.

Looking in, looking forward…

Teeth like these

Recently I had an extraction done and it got me thinking; some weird questions started swimming around in my head. But before I get to my thoughts, have you ever had a toothache?

I have heard folks say it’s the second worst pain to that of delivering a baby; that I wouldn’t know about…yet.  But OH MY GOSH, toothaches feel unbearable.  I mean of course we bear it, but it feels awful. When my tooth hurt, I feel like the pain is even where the pain isn’t; it seems other body parts, far from my teeth, tender spots are aching too, seriously.  Years ago on top of a toothache, my sister-in-law almost whooped my butt for taking almost an entire bottle of Advil in one night, trying to get rid of the pain. And of course, the visit to the dentist isn’t much fun either.

Up to grade 10 in high school, I had never been to a dentist.  Then the school added a dentist office to the medical building and it was mandatory that we got checked.  So the nurse checks my teeth and says “wow, you have really nice teeth, you take good care of your teeth”. Then she asked when my last visit to the dentist was; “huh, dentist, I have never been to the dentist ma’am”.  She gave me this incredulous look and then proceeded to clean my teeth. Six months later I had my first cavity; I hate dentists. 

Back then maybe the reason why I didn’t have any cavities and had really good teeth, was that I lived in the country.  Going to the dentist every six months was not an option; but I access to almost every fruit on this island straight from the trees or the ground. We had cane, jackfruit, star apples, bananas, coconut jellies, oranges and the list goes on; you name it, we probably had it, even guavas. Childhood memories…hmmm.  They say cane is good for the teeth and I had lots of cane back then; we sometimes had more fruit than food due to our financial situation, but loved it. 

But as I said in the beginning, my recent tooth troubles had me thinking back to my first cavity and the good old days. In the days of old, (far back as biblical times) did they have dentists? If they did, what instruments did they use? How did people take care of their teeth, because I am sure they didn’t all walk around with rotten teeth or toothless grins after awhile due to unwanted cavities? And since Colgate didn’t exist then, what did they brush their teeth with, salt?  What did they use to clean their teeth, chew sticks?

So why does our teeth decay? I know lots of the problems we have now stem from foods or so they say.  With all those gross preservatives and additives, no wonder we get sick easily. But if we brush and floss everyday, twice and sometimes thrice daily, why does the condition of our teeth still deteriorate? Is there any way I can care for my teeth, so that I do not have to go back to the dentist?

Looking in, looking forward…